Rush Limbaugh Wedding News

Today, Rush Limbaugh posted to Facebook photos from his recent marriage to his betrothed, Rush Limbaugh’s Fiancée. Twenty images depict Limbaugh and his bride, Kathryn Rogers, at the ceremony, at the reception, and the special performance by noted gay-rights activist Elton John. In browsing the memories, we were curious about the circumstances surrounding each photo. What were the directions and concerns of the photographer? Undeterred by a dearth of actual answers, we simply made them up. Herewith, historical reenactments of what we believe to be the photographer’s cues to her subjects.

“Elton, would you like to remove your sunglasses? It’s not a very good disguise, and, well, anyway, we’re inside. Kathryn, please bend your hand exactly like that, miming the expression ‘twist my arm’ using only your body. Rush, just … do whatever. Thanks.”

“You on the far right! Yes, you. Please look happy. That means eyes off the floor. Clap until someone places a drink in your hands.”

“Is it just me, or does the Breakers Hotel have a monopoly on the world’s supply of rococo chandeliers or what?”

“Are there too many bed sheets strewn haplessly behind the Doric columns? Or not enough bed sheets strewn haplessly behind the Doric columns? Everyone please have a look, and then come find me later at the bar and let me know.”

“Candles, great. Everyone look as solemn as possible, please. It’s a wedding.”

“Oh, god. What is that flash in the background? Did no one look after the candle? Elton is fleeing. Fleeing.”